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Showing posts with label mind the ducks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mind the ducks. Show all posts

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Mind the Ducks Race Report- Part Five: The Race


I woke up around 4:30am.  I like to have plenty of time to prepare.  My exact pre-race tradition is a closely-guarded secret, so I will only reveal this: it includes pop-tarts, instant coffee, and duct tape.  Once Shelly and I were ready, we headed down to Mark and Jesse's room.  After a few "what were you guys doing behind closed doors" jokes (which were even funnier after last night), Shelly and I made our way to the car.  We loaded our gear and waited for Mark and Jesse.  And waited.  Out of boredom, we took some pictures.  And waited some more.  What seemed like hours later, they emerged from the hotel.  Shelly and I took some pseudo-paparazzi pictures, but it wasn't as funny as we expected.  You win some, you lose some.



We made a quick pit stop at Starbucks.  The caffeine and pretentiousness would give as a boost early in the race.  I ordered a large... err, I mean venti... to get a little extra helping of both.  Since I was the only one that had eaten, we stopped at a staple of Ontario and New York- a Tim Hortons.  I don't believe I had ever experienced a Tim Hortons, so it felt slightly exotic.  While their breakfast sandwiches sounded very good, I opted for a bagel and glazed sour cream donut.  I decided to save both for the early stages of the race. Mark received an extra-special treat when the bagel girl asked him "Would you like anything done to your bagel?"  I'm pretty sure he declined.  Once in the car, I suggested he asked "Are you familiar with the game of ring-toss?"  Mark gave the standard male response, "It would have to be a pretty big bagel."

We arrived at the park, drove past the zoo, and made our way to the tiny lake and surrounding asphalt path we'd become intimately familiar with over the next 12+ hours.  We parked the car, scanned the surroundings, and started unloading our gear.  Shelley V. came by to welcome and direct us to the packet pickup area.  Here we met Liz, Shelley's friend we know from Facebook.  After getting our swag bags, I attached my race bib to my shorts.  I anticipated that I'd be changing shirts often; this will prevent having to move my bib.  We procured our timing chips which were embedded in Velcro ankle bands.  Jesse told us they were triathlon bands.  I like this idea.  The absence of shoes makes it difficult to attach chips.  Nice touch, Shelley!



I ate my Tim Horton's bagel as we were called to the line.  Our entire group moved to the back.  Jesse and I had joked about asking where the starting blocks were located or lining up in a sprinter's stance, but we decided against it.  Maybe next year.  After a brief review of the course rules, there was some sort of signal the race began.  Funny how I never remember what exactly started the race. 



It's worth noting- Shelley made a rule that running on the right (outside) grassy area off the asphalt path was allowed, but running on the inside (left) was prohibited and may result in disqualification.  She noted this several times in all rules, and gave us a verbal warning before the race.  I'll talk about this later as it was the lone disappointment for this race.

All of us took the conservative approach.  The four of us ran together for a lap or two, then Shelly fell back a bit.  Mark, Jesse, and I stayed together a bit longer.  At this point, we were running at about a 10:20 pace.  Bill, who had warned us about starting too fast, lapped us at least once in the first few laps.  He appeared to be running at around an 8:30 pace.  Clearly his definition of starting too fast was different than our definition.  We wondered aloud if his advice was just meant to build an early lead.  We had a good laugh and continued on. 



After the first hour, Jesse and I decided to quicken the pace.  I settled into a comfortable 8:50-9:20 pace while Jesse moved slightly faster.  The first three hours were uneventful.  I chatted with some runners, made sure I consumed plenty of HEED (my preferred sport drink), and monitored various things like chafing and the condition of my feet.  At some point during this time, Jesse and I decided to occasionally hop on a series of ornamental rocks along the outside of the path.  The idea was simple- it would help break up the physiological monotony of the flat loop.  It would be distant approximation to trail running.  I only did it every few laps until about hour five.  At that point, my legs were too stiff to safely jump.  Jesse continued the routine for the entire race.  I wondered if the other runners assumed it was a show of arrogance instead of a feeble attempt by us trail runners to compete with these superior road runners.

Since I was running the race barefoot, abrasions and terrain variation was important.  If I run on the same surface (i.e. asphalt) for more than about 20 miles, I start to develop top of the foot pain.  Also, I was mildly worried about blistering after 12 hours on asphalt.  To combat this, I ran on the grass along the outside of the asphalt loop for about 3/5 of the loop.  The slight variation in terrain and the need to hop around to avoid sticks, goose poop, and other such debris gave me just enough variety to avoid both top of the foot pain and blisters.  The strategy worked marvelously!



Around mile 15 I decided to eat my donut.  I took the first bite and almost immediately vomited.  I LOVE sugary food early in races, but there's a finite point where the taste becomes absolutely repulsive.  This almost always happens around mile 15-18.  This would force me to rely on my as-of-yet unproven fuel source... the Mike's Hard lemonade and chia seed iskiate.  It's not true iskiate.  I pour about two or three ounces of liquid into a cup, dump in a scoop of chia, and immediately drink it.  If the chia seeds are allowed to sit in the cup, they will quickly absorb water.  It's like drinking a cup of frog eyes.  By drinking immediately, it went down smooth.  The carbonation of the Mikes was a welcome treat.  Since I usually prefer de-fizzed Coke or Mountain Dew, I was surprised to find the carbonation in the Mike's to be refreshing.

When I began using the Mike's iskiate, I tried opening the bottle thinking it was a twist-off.  I cut my hand a bit.  On my next loop, I asked Shelley if they had a bottle opener.  The advantage of a loop course- I just kept running, picked it up on the next lap, then gave it back on the lap after that.  Imagine how silly I felt after realizing Mike's Hard Lemonade really was a twist-off... I was just too much of a wussy to open it. 



The first three hours went by quickly.  I enjoyed chatting with a few people, many of which belonged to Ultrarunning Matters.  This is the club that sponsored the race.  They were such a supportive, accepting group, I decided to join!  I also met Linda Brooks, a runner I knew from the Kickrunners "Extreme Running" forum.  She was responsible for giving me the 'Runner of the week" idea I brought to Runners World.

This is probably when I reached the highest point on the leader board.  I believe I made it to fifth.  It was pretty exciting to see my name that high, but I knew it wouldn't last.  At the very least, Jesse was below me at that point.  I knew it was only a matter of time before he leapfrogged me.



Mild stiffness had set in around mile 12-15 or so.  By mile 20, things were starting to hurt.  This is a pretty familiar pattern I've experienced in more or less every race.  From mile 20 until about 25, I felt relatively good.  I think this was about the time I ran by Jim.  To say he looked bad would be an understatement.  His face was caked with salt.  His walk was decidedly Lurch-like.  I asked him how he was doing.  In a barely-audible whisper, he responded with something about Perpetuem.  For the uninitiated, Perpetuem is a high-calorie drink designed for endurance athletes.  It has the consistency of chalky curdled milk.  Pine cones would be easier to digest.  Anyway, I walked with him for about thirty feet.  He said he was going to keep going.  I think I may have blabbered something about this being good training for Burning River, then continued running.  I wouldn't see Jim for awhile after that.

As the race ambled on, I was eventually passed by a few runners.  The leaders were plugging away with amazing consistency.  Jesse was looking great. Shelly was doing well.  Shelley V. kept me updated on her progress; informing me of the points where she surpassed the marathon point and eventually 50k point.  Mark was doing well, too.  I knew he was a few laps behind.  When we would both meet at our junk pile of gear, he complained about his legs quite a bit.  Since he had never surpassed the marathon distance, this was new territory for him.  At some point, he came up with an idea... he was going to take off his shoes.

WHAT?!?

Mark had tried barefoot running once that I was aware of.  He ran about a quarter of a mile on a trail.  Now he was going to ditch his shoes?  When people begin barefoot running, I advise them to start with a quarter mile.  This was a half mile loop.  I warned him repeatedly about the dangers of doing too much too soon.  He nodded and gave me the same look my students give when asked "Are you sure you understand the directions?"  I then ran ahead... I couldn't watch this.



At around the same time, Mark also solicited a massage from an older guy that was crewing for the eventual winner of the race.  I didn't witness this, but the guy apparently gave Mark three foot and leg massages over the course of the race.  I'm still a bit confused as to how the topic of massages came up, but Mark swore it helped his performance.  The massages did nothing to make us forget Mark's "Sign me up!" exclamation from the previous night.

Throughout the rest of the race, I saw Mark five or six times.  Most of the time he was shoeless; only wearing his Injinji toe socks.  Every time I saw him, I warned him about the potential dangers.  He gave me the same defiant nod every time.  He even yelled one of our now-trademarked "Shoes are for suckas!" mottos.

My lowest point of the race came sometime after Mark ditched his shoes for the first time.  It was between hours five and six.  It must have been around 25-28 miles or so.  I hit a major funk.  It wasn't quite as bad as the 100 miler funks I've experienced, but it was difficult to run.  Everything hurt.  I felt very uncoordinated as I attempted to achieve some consistency.  Luckily, the funk ended around hour six.



The half-way point.  It time was going by quickly... except for the last hour.  I pounded a little extra chia and Mike's, ate some Sport Beans, and even ate some aid station food... which I think was pizza.  The odd thing about this point- my memory is very sketchy.  Quick sidebar- Shelley's aid station was absolutely fabulous!  The selection of food was top-notch.  She had all they typical ultra foods, including candy, sandwiches, pizza, and cookies.  The official drink was HEED, which I was thankful for.  It's my preferred drink and infinitely better than Gatorade.

There were some interesting groups in the park throughout the day.  There was a large group playing baseball for at least an hour or two.  The scary part- they were using part of the course as their left field foul line.  With each lap, you'd nervously run by the group.  As you passed, you'd flinch at the metallic ping of each ball that was hit.  Luckily, no runners were capped.

I'm not sure what rescued my from the funk, but the next hour was a major high.  I ran some of my fastest laps at this point.  I only made one quick stop for some iskiate.  At the end of the hour (seven down, five to go), I started fading.  I knew I would have to employ a good run/walk strategy.  For the next three hours, I would walk one lap, them run the rest of the hour.  I think I was averaging about 4.5 miles per hour using this technique.

Toward the end of my high lap, a group of four 15-16 year old adolescents (best guess) started milling about on the course.  Based on their dress and mannerisms, I would use the term "hood rat" to describe their appearance.  They often walked four-wide, thus blocking the entire path.  I managed to avoid them because I encountered them on the "grass" sections.  As a high school teacher, I was intimately familiar with their "we own this place" attitude.  Oh, how I wanted to belt out a good-ole' "GET OFF THE ROAD!" in my best teacher voice.  Eventually they left without incident.



Those hours between seven and ten hours were very familiar.  it's the point where you develop what I like to call an "ultra hurt."  Your legs are no longer capable of full range of motion.  you've experienced a few cycles of highs and lows.  The areas you forgot to lube are burning from the chafing.  You repeatedly ask yourself why you subject yourself to this punishment.  You consider retiring from ultras and focusing on something easier... like recreational jelly fish wrestling.  In other words... it's what running ultras is all about!

I would be remiss if I did not mention Rebecca Schaefer and her mom.  Along with Jesse, she was the youngest runner.  This was Rebecca's first ultra.  She placed second out of all females with a hair under 60 miles.  Her mom was crewing for her and walked in the opposite direction around the loop... for the entire 12 hours!  I don't remember, but she racked up over 30 miles herself!

During those three hours of walking/running, my pace would slow as each hour passed.  Each walking break would rejuvenate me to a degree.  At the beginning of hour seven, I was running at about a 9:30 pace.  By hour ten, I was reduced to a 14:00 mile pace.  My lack of crosstraining and speedwork were apparent at this point.  This would give me a good list of things to improve and sharpen prior to Burning River at the end of July.



Somewhere near hour ten, a portly, drunk lady started wandering the course.  As I ran by her, she mumbled something about "goin' fishin' bit later."  She also warned me about running around barefoot with a hearty "You gonna step in a bear trap or sumpin' like that!"  It's good to have people looking out for your well-being.

The part of the race that disappointed me was the apparent cutting of the course.  After the first few hours, a definite line appeared on one of the inner parts of the course immediately past the wooden bridge.  This path was identical to the paths along the outside of the circle.  Shelley has clearly explained that the inner grass was off-limits.  Based on the trail that was blazed, it was obvious it was not a solitary occurrence.  At first, I thought it may have been Rebecca's mom.  I was dismayed to see the blades of grass pointing in the direction we were running... it was definitely a runner.

I'm not normally the kind of person that follows rules.  Running is different, though.  This is especially true in an ultra.  There is no prize money.  The competition could best be described as "friendly."  The greatest competitor in any ultra is yourself.  I simply cannot fathom how a runner could allow themselves to do anything so obviously outside the rules and still feel good about their performance.  Alas, I did not actually observe anyone cutting the course.  Still, it left a very bad taste in my mouth.  In the event the person cutting the course happens to read this- shame on you for taking the easy way out.  Sure, it may have amounted to a minuscule distance, but the rest of us made the effort to run the longer circles along the outside grass.  When it comes to race ethics, this one is even worse than being rude to volunteers.



Back to the positive stuff- a little after the ten hour mark, I made it to mile 50.  That was my minimal goal.  My running pace was reduced to about 14:00 miles, but I was prepared to keep plugging along.  Then I met up with Shelly at our junk pile.  She asked me if I wanted to walk a lap with her.  We don't get to spend a ton of time together with our three kids and busy lives, so I jumped at the opportunity.  We walked a lap.  Then another.  And we spent the last hour and a half walking, talking, and joking.  We were both physically exhausted, but we were having tons of fun.  I think I fell two spots on the leader board because of my walking, but I would make the same decision again.  I could tell by the looks of my competitors that they didn't quite understand why I was walking.  I probably looked pretty good.  Minimally, I was smiling most of the way.  I was okay with letting others pass me; it allowed me to watch many great success stories.  Also, running 12 hours is a testament to what Shelly and I will do to get a babysitter for our three lovely but "spirited" children.

One of the best parts of the timed race format is the finish.  Once Shelly and I finished, we were able to congratulate our fellow runners as they finished.  We took some pictures, shook hands, thanked the volunteers, and slowly packed our gear in the car.

Shelley held the awards ceremony over pizza in a cabin-like building near the loop.  The pizza tasted magical after hours of running!  We talked with Rebecca and her mom for a bit, saw the award winners, then decided to head out.  Even though we knew we had more than enough time, we didn't want to risk the "liqueur store debacle" we experienced the previous night.  After all, we'd need our "joint juice" to help us forget the pains of having run for 12 hours!   For those that have read and will continue to read the other installments of this race report, this is where the "egg" jokes originated.  Jesse won a cool large wooden egg "trophy" for his great finish.  It would become the butt of many jokes.  Heh, heh.



Here are just a few of the stories from the race:

Shelly:  Shelly finished with 40.2 miles, which almost doubled her previous long run.  This was Shelly's first ultra.  Actually, it was her first race beyond a 25k.  I was very proud of her for keeping moving for the entire 12 hours.  She ran the race in Vibrams... only her third in minimalist shoes.  She far surpassed her goals prior to the race.  I also loved walking those last laps with her.  It gave us a chance to talk about the experience while it was happening.  It also gave me the chance to truly enjoy our surroundings.

Jesse:  Jesse finished with 63.7 miles, which almost doubled his previous long run.  He placed fifth overall.  He represented minimalist runners very well by running the entire race in Vibrams.  The most astounding things I saw all day was Jesse's last lap.  He ran his last half mile in 2:44 or so.  I can't run an 800 when I'm fresh; he did it after running for 12 HOURS!  The ultra world will be hearing Jesse's name very often in the near future.

Mark:  Mark finished with 51.5 miles, which almost doubled his previous long run also (see a pattern here.)  What makes this even more astounding is that Mark ran about 17 miles in socks.  At some point, Jesse and I commented that we'd feel a bit douchey for always recommending people exercise extreme caution when beginning barefoot running... then Mark runs 17 miles in socks.  After the race, Mark commented that he could not have made it to 50 miles without the variety provided by switching from his foot coffins to the socks.  He's become our new poster boy.

Jim:  Jim finished with 54 miles.  Based on how he looked earlier in the race, I was positive he would have dropped out (or would have been pulled for medical reasons.)  Not only did he survive that low, he went on to grind out some amazing mileage.  I had some reservations about having convinced him to try Burning River, but I think he'll do just fine.

Mark Seigers:  Mark was the overall winner with 87.3 miles.  Watching him was simply amazing.  His average pace was faster than my fastest pace.  If I ever have any dreams of becoming a decent ultrarunner, this is what I need to be able to do.

Bill McGovern: Bill didn't win, but he did run 71.6 miles.  Watching his approach was the best education I could have received during the race.  I am grateful I had the opportunity to talk to him before and after the race.

The volunteers:  The volunteers for the race clapped and cheered every single time we passed... for the entire 12 hours!  Psychologically, this was an incredible lift.  As soon as we'd enter the aid tent, they would quickly tend to our every need.  I would do this race again just to have that support!

The other runners' crews:  The really unexpected source of support came from the other runners' crews.  Special mention goes to the gentleman manning the UM aid tent (at least I think that's what it was.)  Collectively, they added an entire layer of friendliness and welcoming to the event.

Shelley V.: Shelley did an amazing job organizing this event.  It was obvious every detail had been thought out and execution was flawless.  She has often touted the appeal of these silly events where you run in a tiny circle for hours and hours.  I was skeptical.  Based on what she was able to accomplish with Mind the Ducks, she converted me.  Unfortunately for other races, this is my new gold-standard for what an ultra event should be... a supportive, fun event that brings like-minded people together.  I only hope we'll be able to register for the 2011 MTD before registration fills up!

One disappointment I had- we never got to see Shelley run.  I've known her for about a year.  During that time, she's blossomed as a runner.  I can't wait to have the opportunity to actually see her dominating races!

What?  There's more?!?  Yes, I still have a few things to say about the return trip.  I haven't talked about the anus burgers, customs searching our car, the Mountain Dew scam, or Mark and Jesse's "hide the trophy egg" game!

To be continued...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Mind the Ducks Race Report- Part Four

Part One
Part Two 
Part Three

We pulled up to Shelley's driveway about 12 hours after leaving Grand Rapids.  It has been a long drive, but we could finally relax.  We knocked on the door; Shelley answered.  We exchanged hugs and she led us inside.  We grabbed some beer or wine, more pizza, and began talking to our fellow runners.  Everyone there was either running, crewing, or volunteering tomorrow.  We answered a few questions about the trip, about barefoot running, and about the race.  After more beer and pizza, we started talking about running in general.
 
At about this time, Shelley's husband Jimmy entered.  We had met online.  Shelley and Jim had offered to pace me at Burning River this year, but I really just needed crew members.  Somehow, I managed to convince Jim to run the race, too.  He's even newer to ultrarunning than me, but I felt a definite mentally tough vibe in our conversations.  He even offered to wager on tomorrow's race, but I declined.  Outwardly, I do not like to make ultras competitive.  I love the sense of camaraderie and mutual adventure.  I love helping others reach their potential.  As such, I don't like the idea of introducing extrinsic motivators in my running.

Inwardly, Jim's offer for a wager was a good motivator.  Why?  I knew he was likely going to try to run farther than I did.  I like knowing I can push people to surpass previous limits.  I hoped he succeeded... it would be excellent training for Burning River.
 
As we stood around talking about running, I asked about strategy for tomorrow's race.  Bill McGovern, one of the expected front-runners, shared some great tips.  He was taking an even-paced approach.  He would begin slowly and take appropriate walk breaks.  The idea was simple- remain strong as long as possible.
 
I then shared my strategy- run as long as I can, then adopt a run/walk strategy as needed.  Jesse and I had conversations about this.  We both determined this strategy worked best for us.  My fellow runners dubbed it a "crash and burn" strategy, though that's not exactly how it works.  When I began running ultras, I used a very regimented run/walk schedule.  I continually varied the times in an attempt to find something that worked.  In 2008, I tried a 10 minute run, three minute walk strategy for Burning River.  It worked okay until I reached a major low point and was unable to maintain a fast enough pace to avoid the cutoff.  Since that time, I have used the "run as long as you can" strategy I adopted from Jeremiah Cataldo, a fellow ultrarunner.  Based on the conversations I would have the next day during the race, my strategy was pretty controversial.



The conversation jumped from one running topic to another.  At some point, someone brought up real estate.  I generally dislike the topic.  It's like talking about stocks, bonds, inflation, or other such money-oriented subjects.  It's a bit too boring for me.  I had to play the ace in my hand... I brought up the fact that Shelly and I rent.  Based on previous experience, it is an immediate topic killer.  Everybody wants to talk about how renting is simply flushing money down the toilet, but nobody ever does for fear of insulting me.  It works great!

After a few moments of awkward silence, someone brought up the Mind the Ducks course.  This led to a discussion of porta-potties, which led to a discussion about certain parks around Rochester being used as pickup locations for males seeking the company of other males, presumably on the down low.  Socially, I'm very liberal.  I have no problems with a person's sexual orientation.  The rest of my traveling companions also shared this level of comfort as we frequently and sometimes publicly joked about Jesse and Mark's sleeping arrangements.  The topic was obviously a bit taboo for the rest of the room as nobody actually mentioned the conversation was about males.  Someone told a story about being repeated solicited at one of the parks.  At the mention of prostitution, Mark enthusiastically blurted out "We're going to one of those parks? SIGN ME UP!"
 
The room fell silent.  Everybody was staring at Mark with a mortified, confused look.  Inwardly, I could barely contain my laughter!  Based on the reaction from our New York friends, they didn't realize Mark didn't pick up on the subtle hints that we were talking about male prostitutes.  By the look on Mark's face, Shelly, Jesse, and I could tell he was obviously confused.  Yet none of us spoke.  After about ten seconds of tension-filled silence, Shelley V. quietly said "We're talking about dudes."

The look on Mark's face was priceless!  He stammered as he tried to explain.  Shelly, Jesse, and I immediately started teasing while everyone else laughed nervously.  Afterward, Shelly and I lamented about the impression we mush have made.  Not only were we a band of shoeless gypsies from Michigan, but now we had the burden of social awkwardness to carry.  We did nothing to make barefoot runners seem like stable, normal individuals.
 
The rest of the evening was spent talking about running, which was absolutely fabulous!  At some point, Bill started asking Jesse and I questions.  I got the impression he was trying to determine if we would be serious competitors.  If he were concerned about me, I'm sure the three beers I drank alleviated some concern.  Jesse on the other hand was a wild card.  He was young.  He didn't appear cocky, rather a bit self-depreciating.  In my experiences, these are the runners that tend to do extremely well.  I wondered if Bill thought the same.  He did give us advice to start slow.  He told a story of a young runner that went out way too fast.  He lapped Bill six times my mid-race, then crashed.  Bill ended up beating him by many miles.  This story was enough to convince both Jesse and I to exercise restraint the next morning.  More on that later...
 
I'm grateful Shelley V. opened her home to all of us; it was one of the high points of the weekend.  At around 9:00, we decided it was time to head back and get some rest.  I planned on testing a new energy source for this race- wine-based iskiate.  It was a combination of wine, water, and chia seeds.  My friends Kate Kift and Andy Grosvenor suggested the technique, and Mind the Ducks provided the perfect testing ground.  I asked Shelley and Jim where I could buy some wine.  As it turns out, liquor stores in New York close at 9:00.  Jim offered to drive ahead of us.  Since it was late, I felt bad about having him lead us so I asked for a map instead.  We hurriedly said our goodbyes and were off!
 
Jim's map led us directly to the nearest liquor store.  We pulled into the parking lot with three minutes to spare.  Damn, we're good!  Then they shut the lights off.  I jumped out of the car and quickly walked to the door.  As I approached, the liquor store clerk waved me away while shaking her head.  NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
 
Okay, now we're without alcohol.  A momentary panic set in until Shelly (or Jesse... maybe Mark) remembered seeing a beer sign in the window of a gas station around the corner.  We drove a few hundred yards to the gas station.  All they had was beer... no wine.  Damn.  I settled on the only non-beer-like thing they had: Mike's Hard Lemonade.  This will have to suffice.  We picked up a 12 pack of Bud for the rest of the evening.  Is it a wise pre-race strategy?  No.  Is it a fun pre-race strategy.  Of course!
 
We arrived at the hotel, briefly went to our rooms, then re-convened in Mark and Jesse's room.  We enjoyed a few more beers, talked about Bill's race advice, made fun of Mark's faux pas, and eventually decided to head off to bed.  I thought I would be more nervous, but I quickly fell asleep.  I'm sure the six beers helped with that.

Next: The Race (finally)

Friday, May 21, 2010

Mind the Ducks Race Report- Part Three


Part Three: We meet Marsha

We pulled into the dilapidated 7-11.  Two kids on rusty bikes loitered in the parking lot.  A rusted, hand-painted 1990's era Ford Escort sat in front of the store.  Since there was no clearly-defined parking spaces in the dusty gravel-laden parking lot, I pulled around to the side of the store.  The Sanford and Son theme began playing in my head as I parked a few spaces away from a well-used pickup loaded with random shit.  I could identify a lawnmower, a hula hoop, the stocking-clad leg of a mannequin, and the top half of a artificial Christmas tree. 

I asked my fellow travelers if they would like anything; they responded with a curt "No."  As I got out of the car, I glanced toward the pickup.  That is when I saw her.  At first I wasn't sure, the pink shirt and pony tail screamed "woman", but the dirty fingernails, beefy forearms, and wispy mustache whispered "androgynous trucker."  Though the glance was fleeting as I hurried into the store, the image was seared in my brain.

As I walked toward the store, I instinctively patted by back pocket to be sure I hadn't been pick-pocketed while walking across the parking lot.  As I approached the entrance, two preteen boys opened the door for me.  At first I was warmed by the gesture, but then I saw the pack of cigarettes in the husky kid's hand.  They were shoplifting cigarettes and using me as a human shield to block the cashier's line of sight.  As an added measure, they were using their apparent act of politeness as misdirection.  After all, criminals don't hold doors open.  As an amateur magician, I could appreciate the technical skill of their shenanigans.  As a member of society, I bristled at the thought that these kids are probably smart enough to avoid capture.

The inside of the store was shocking.  It was as if every convenience store stereotype suddenly came to life at this very point in time.  My senses were invaded by the overpowering scent of turnips and bacon.  The cashier was wearing a turban and of obvious Middle Eastern descent.  With his arms crossed, he gave me a stern nod as if to challenge me to shoplift something.  I could only imagine what he had behind the counter.  A bat?  Pepper spray?  A .38 special?



A fidgety man stood by the rack of over-the-counter medication.  He appeared to be fumbling with a box of Sudafed.  The moment he noticed me, he jumped slightly.  The unfamiliar face seemed to add to his paranoia.  Did he think I was a drug enforcement officer?  For good measure, I glanced his way a few times as if I were noting the details of his appearance.  If I would have had more time, I may have even pretended to talk into a radio concealed in the sleeve of my hoodie.

I found the rack of maps, picked out a laminated Buffalo Metro area map, paid, and headed back to the car.  As I rounded the corner of the building, I saw the same junk-filled pickup.  The driver was reflexively clenching and releasing his/her hands.  Was it obsessive/compulsive disorder?  Maybe it was a methamphetamine-induced tick... this could be the wheel man... err, wheel person for the meth head in the store.  I approached the car, opened the door, and quickly stole a glance toward the pickup.  She (I'm sure of that now) was looking directly at me.  Even though I immediately averted my eyes, that smile will be with me forever.  It was a smile of innocence, much like you would see on the face of a child at their first afternoon baseball game.  Despite their state of decay, all three of her teeth were proudly displayed.  I can't be sure, but I think she may have winked.

I opened the door and hopping in the car.  My traveling companions were giggling like school girls.  Shelly said something to the effect of "Mark, I think Marsha wants to offer her services!"  Marsha... okay, a little back story is in order.  Prior to beginning the trip, the four of us exchanged Facebook messages.  At some point, I jokingly suggested we stop at a Canadian strip club to take advantage of the maybe-mythical combination of full nudity and alcohol service.  Jesse offered to pay for a table dance for all of us, but we'd need an extra-big dancer.  He named his fictitious plus-sized dancer "Marsha Mallow."  Since it was unlikely we'd make it to said adult entertainment establishment, it seemed only fitting to bestow the "Marsha Mallow" name on our shaky new meth-smoking friend.

As we pulled away, we rattled off a litany of jokes.  One of us commented that Mark gave her his phone number to enlist her services to help reduce that pre-race tension.  Someone else commented on the untold pleasures that could be provided by her near-toothless mouth.   Needless to say, the cumulative effects of spending about ten hours on the road were having an adverse effect on our ability to self-edit.



Shelly and I switched spots.  As we learned on the freeways of Los Angeles, we work best in unfamiliar places if she drives and I navigate.  She can't read a map to save her life, and I have no ability to respond quickly to verbal directions.  Once the roles are reversed, I can use my cartographic skill to plot out our location and destination; she can use her aggressive disregard for traffic rules and the basic laws of physics to get us there in a timely fashion.  Based on my expert calculations, we would be arriving at Shelly V.'s doorstep in about 90 minutes.

Now that I was free of driving duties, I could take care of more important tasks.  The first order of business- eat a few fistfuls of licorice.  I could feel my blood-sugar levels plummeting... I had to continue my strict carb loading regimen.

Serving as the navigator also allowed me to find a YouTube video we discussed earlier in the trip: "Spiders on Drugs."  It gave us a catch phrase we'd use for the rest of the trip, "Building webs is for suckas!"  Of course, we used it for anything and everything imaginable.  "We'd see an obese gentleman mowing his lawn- "Mowing grass is for suckas!"  We'd talk about Marsha "Oral hygiene is for suckas!"  You get the picture.

The rest of the trip to Rochester was relatively uneventful as fatigue was quickly building.  Without making any wrong turns (surely due to my superior navigation skills), we made it to Rochester.  As we pulled up to our hotel, we had to evade a horde of elderly people milling about.  Mark wondered aloud if we were actually staying in an assisted living facility.  Truth be told, having a nurse on-call wouldn't be a bad thing given the physical state we would be in the following day.

We checked in and dragged our luggage to our rooms.  I showered, changed into my best camouflage t-shirt, piled back into the car, and headed to Shelley's house.  I was excited but apprehensive.  I've known Shelley via the Interwebs for around a year, but had never met in person.  I had recently met a lot of online friends, and it was a really positive experience.  Shelley also had several friends and race participants at her house.  I think I was more nervous about that.  I knew some were expected to do extremely well.  It would be a bit intimidating, yet I was eager to pick their brains.

The rest of the evening was defined by one singular phrase Mark spontaneously uttered.  It was a moment Shelly, Jesse, and I thought was hilarious, but I suspect it shocked and possibly mortified the rest of the crowd at Shelley's house.  What did Mark say?  Stay tuned. :-)

Continue to Part Four

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mind the Ducks Race Report- Part Two

Part One
Part Three

Chapter Two: The Trip Begins

Jesse met us at our house.  We tossed his lone backpack next to our suitcase, backpack, and two Tupperware containers of gear.  I envy his simplicity.  I may try that for my next ultra.  Mark met us at a local gas station as his nephew Greg dropped him off.  We tried to convince Greg to join us, but he mumbled something about the craziness of running for half a day and drove off.  We immediately hit the gas station to begin carb-loading.  I chose a hunk of cellophane-wrapped cheesecake bread and some raspberry cappuccino for a healthy shot of 1,100 calories.  This would begin another trend for the weekend- eating a ton of garbage at every stop.

The entire trip was really defined by one thing... a sincere, genuine lack of seriousness.  Maybe we were repressing some latent fears over the mountainous endeavor before us.  Our Lack of focus could be our brains' last-ditch effort to divert us from the inevitable suffering staring us in the face.  Or maybe we're just a bunch of adult-sized adolescent goof-offs that got a momentary reprieve from their stress-filled lives.  At any rate, it did not take long for the ice to be broken.

Mark immediately produced a family pack of snack crackers, a case of bottled water, and a bushel of licorice.  It's good to know he came prepared, AND we would have plenty to eat between our multiple stops.  I think the pound of licorice I ate really helped in the race... I will have to remember that strategy.

Things were going smoothly as we cruised through the Michigan countryside on the way to the Canadian border.  The route was familiar, so I didn't bother with maps or GPS.  At some point I had a feeling we had been driving too far.  We should have changed highways.  Without voicing my concern, I discretely pulled out my phone and checked Google maps.  Hmmm... not only did I miss our exit, I missed the entire metropolitan area of Lansing.  That speaks volumes about my power of observation.  I pulled off the highway under the guise of needing a "bathroom break."  After a short 30 minute drive through the sticks of rural Podunk, Michigan, we were on the right highway cruising towards Canada!

Going through customs always makes me a little nervous.  As we approached the bridge separating Port Huron, Michigan and Sarnia, Ontario, I gathered our passports.  We pulled up to the booth and I handed the documentation to the girl. 

"Where are you heading?" she inquired.

"New York." I replied.

"What's going on in New York?"

"A race."

"What kind of race?"

"Ummm... a foot race?"

"Oh.  Like a marathon?"

"Well, actually it is a 12 hour race."

With a "what the Hell is wrong with you" look, she replied "You run for 12 hours?!?  Okay, have fun."

That exchange would be repeated several times.  Once in Canada, we were struck by two things.  First, there are huge fields of nothing but dirt.  Second, Canada has a $10,000 fine if caught speeding 50km over the speed limit.  Both would be frequent topics of our asinine jokes.  

I'm sure Ontario is just preparing for the planting season, but the thousands of baron acres led to a lot of speculation.  Are they growing hockey pucks?  Maybe hockey sticks?  We even tried busting out Canadian accents.  As it turns out, it was more fun to pretend our crappy British accents were Canadian.  Okay, that was the extent of our Canadian stereotypes.  Well, that and the "I love the Queen" spelling of words like "centre", "colour", and criticise."  And we couldn't tell them apart.

Somewhere around London, Ontario we stopped to eat and get gas.  We pulled into a small town, but the only gas station was full service.  I'm weird.  I don't like people pumping my gas, I prefer to do it myself.  After driving around a bit in a state of indecisiveness, I pulled back onto the highway.  We found a truck stop/gas station/country buffet a few miles down the road.  They had nice urinals.

After the bathroom break, we decided to grab a bite to eat at Pizza Hut.  We lucked out- they had a buffet.  I'm not a huge fan of buffets as I tend to overeat.  Tomorrow's ultra gave me a free pass, so I was pumped!  The Pizza Hut had interesting facts painted on the wall, such as the first Pizza Hut was located in Wichita, Kansas and the sound E.T. made walking was made by a man squishing his hand in jelly.  After binging on the equivalent of eight pieces of pizza, I was ready to go!



As we approached Hamilton, Ontario, it seemed like we were going quite far north toward Toronto.  I vaguely remembered that Toronto was on the northern shore of Lake Ontario, we needed to be on the south side.  If only I had printed out some maps.  Damn my lack of preparedness!  I had a gut feeling that I should exit, so I cut across three lanes of heavy traffic and hit the exit.  It felt as if the hand of the Canadian Gods were gently persuading me to take this particular exit.  As luck would have it, the exit was a shortcut through southern Hamilton.  We saved about 10-15 miles due to my stupidity.  Score one for procrastination and laziness... or maybe it had something to do with channeling my French Canadian ancestors.

It was about this time that I brought up Niagara Falls.  We'd be driving right by the mighty falls, why not stop?  Shelly, Jesse, and mark had never been there.  Unfortunately, I had (in a previous life (figuratively, not literally.))  We decided to stop now; we may not be in the mood on Sunday after the race.  That turned out to be a wise choice.

We meandered through the streets of Niagara Falls, Ontario following the "FALLS" signs.  While driving around to find parking, we came across what appeared to be the only parking lot.  It cost $14.  That surpassed by "cost/see natural wonder" threshold.  I was just about to park on the sidewalk and pretend we were looking for our lost children when I spotted a $4 lot about 100 meters from the $14 lot.  Hmmm... nice tourist racket they have here.  The more expensive lot was full... ours was empty.  It was so empty, we could change into our Barefoot Runners Society swag right out in the open.  Side bar- Mark has really nice pecs.

We made our way toward the falls.  The rushing water and rapids were quite a sight!  Also noticeable- the came across pretty much every tourist stereotype you could imagine: the Japanese tourists with the expensive cameras, the disinterested teens traveling with their families, an apparent homeless dude sleeping in the grass, the honeymooners with rug burns on their knees... we saw it all.



The falls themselves are always impressive.  As either Mark or Jesse commented- you only see the same water once.  That's deep.

Of course, we spent more time climbing in a tree that could easily have doubled as a house.  We have a few pics of Jesse and I appearing to be walking out of the tree.  After several thinly-veiled comments about "sharing" the tree, we were on our way.

This would be a good juncture to mention a reoccurring theme throughout the trip.  Mark and Jesse were sharing a room.  This arrangement resulted in a steady stream of both Mark and Jesse making references to their "extracurricular" activities behind closed doors.  Clearly we are all very comfortable with our sexuality.  This would be put to the test later that night...

We piled back into the car and headed for the border.  In my naivety, I assumed crossing into the U.S. would be even easier than entering Canada.  We are, after all, citizens.  I was wrong.  We pull up to the booth.  The Customs Agent seemed friendly enough.  I handed him our passports.  He asked the requisite questions.  I confidently answered them all.

He then opened the passports in an attempt to match the pictures with the car occupants.  He looked at me and asked "Where's Mark?"  I dutifully pointed to Mark in the back seat on the passenger side.  "Okay, how about Jason?"  "That's me." I replied.  "Scott?"  he questioned.  'No, that's his last name.  His first name is Jesse, he's behind me."  "Oh." came the response.  "So which one of you is Shelly?"  At this point, I was questioning his expertise.  Seriously?  There's only one person left.  She's the only female in the car.  The picture clearly looks like her.  Shelly confirms her identity.  The agent then turns and appears to be entering our information into a computer.

I'll spare the details of the next part, but as it turns out Mark had an old issue that raised a flag.  I'll let Mark explain the details some day, but I like to pretend it involved a $3 debt owed to a dancer in Windsor, Ontario.  "Mark, you're going to have to get out of the car and come inside." he directed.  Mark hurriedly unbuckled his seat belt and began climbing out of the car.  Immediately the guard screamed "SCOTT, GET BACK IN THE CAR NOW!"  Three armed guards immediately rushed to the car with weapons drawn.  My first thought- "Holy shit, they're going to Tase mark!"  I still feel a little guilty about that one.  Mark complied and climbed back into the car.

We drove around the small hut and left the car as we went inside the Customs office.  It was slightly awkward sitting in silence for 10 minutes awaiting the outcome.  I was silently wondering if Mark was a fugitive serial killer.  If so, would he kill Jesse first, thus allowing Shelly and I to escape?  What if he were a cannibal?  Which one of us looked the most appetizing?  Maybe that's why he brought two kilos of licorice... he was trying to plump us up! I coughed a few times hoping he'd be weirded out by eating a sick person. 

As we sat there, I couldn't help but wonder just how secure our borders really were... this guy repeatedly got ALL of our names wrong.  Anyway, the resolution with Customs was simple.  Mark wasn't a cannibalistic serial killer, which was a good thing.  

Soon we were back in the car and on our way.  As we sat outside the Customs office, I realized I had no idea how to get to Rochester.  My phone GPS was acting up.  It forced me to do what any guy would do.  I drove aimlessly.  We headed toward Buffalo.  That seemed wrong, so I turned around and headed back to Niagara Falls.  Once there, I finally broke down and decided to stop to buy a map.  We stopped at a 7-11 in a suburb of Niagara Falls that looked like the ugly offspring of Detroit and rural Arkansas.  What happened next would be another one of those life-defining moments we only experience once every few years.

Continue to part three

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Born for Fun: A hidden egg, mediocre athletes, and the greatest race report the world should never see


Mind the Ducks 2010 Race Report


"Hmmm... what would it be like to see someone get Tased?" I pondered as Mark vaulted from the car.  The squad of Customs officers seemed to spring from nowhere amid the frantic orders of "SCOTT, GET BACK IN THE CAR!"  It was at this point I anointed this the sweetest road trip ever.  The next 48 hours would repeatedly reinforce that title.  Let's start at the beginning.

Chapter One: The Seeds Are Planted

I knew Shelly Viggiano (aka Shellerz) from the Barefoot Runners Forum on the Runners World Website (not to be confused with my wife Shelly.)  She had a dream about directing a race.  She convinced her ultramarathon club to host the race at a local park.  It was a 12 hour race run around a tiny lake on a half-mile asphalt loop.  She called it "Mind the Ducks" on account of the waterfowl in and around the lake.  The thought of running such a race sounded ridiculous, but she sold it well.  She's a proponent of barefoot running and tried recruiting some of us forumites to run due to her club members' skepticism.  I'm always up for proving people wrong, so I expressed mild interest.



A few months went by.  I was training for my second attempt at finishing a 100 mile race, so I half-heartedly followed Shelley's progress.  During the actual race, one of my crew members and pacer-extraordinaire Michael Helton informed me that Shelley would comp my entry fee if I finished.  Admittedly it didn't help motivate me at 3:00am after 70+ miles of running.  I did finish the race, though.  As soon as I got back on the forum, Shelley reminded me that I have a free invite to the race.

As I limped around in recovery mode, I started pondering the logistics of making a 500 mile trip.  I still wasn't sold on the idea... mostly because the Western States 100 lottery was coming up.  This is one of my dream races.  If I were picked, I would not be able to make both trips.  Mind the Ducks seemed like a remote possibility at best.

When the Western States lottery came in early December, I was giddy with anticipation!  The lottery is broadcast live on the 'web.  I spent several anxiety-laden hours staring a hole in my computer monitor waiting for my name to flash on the screen.  Every time a "Jason" came up, I could feel my heart burst out of my chest!  As the open spots dwindled, so did my optimism.  At the end of the lottery, my name had not been called.  Once I overcame the crushing disappointment, Shelley reminded me of the offer to run Mind the Ducks.  Hmmmm... the race was in Mid-May, maybe it would be good to run an ultra early in my running season.  This could be interesting.

I spent the next few weeks pondering this 12 hour ultra.  How could I convince Shelly (my wife) that it could be fun to drive all day, run for 12 hours, then drive another day.  Shelly is a tough runner and loves to be challenged.  As it turns out, it didn't take too much convincing.  The appeal of the 12 hour is simple- you can stop at any time.  After pondering it for a short time, she committed.  We mailed her registration to make it official!

Now that we were committed to the race, I could begin training.  I thought this race would motivate me to train over the winter months.  I was wrong.  My training consisted of a lone weekly run, usually on trails.  Why so little training?  I'm lazy.  I also hate the cold.  I also got sucked into planning a Guinness World Record run for barefoot runners.  I did manage a 21 mile and 24 mile back-to-back weekend about five weeks prior to Mind the Ducks.




At some point, I decided it would be fun to recruit a few others to suffer with Shelly and I.  Enter our friends Mark and Jesse.  I asked several other people, but these two were the only individuals foolish enough to agree.  Suckas!  [editorial note- that's an inside joke that will make sense later.]

Mark and I share a last name.  We met after we both suffered through a tough trail marathon in 2005.  He heard my name called as I finished and waited around to introduce himself.  We ran a few common races over the next year or two.  Eventually we started doing some training runs together, became Facebook friends, and became unofficial brothers.  Shelly and I even went to his family gathering last summer.



Mark is a very good trail runner and has been running marathons for a number of years.  I've been trying to plant the ultra bug as I knew he would love the atmosphere.  I finally convinced him using the logic I used on Shelly... you don't HAVE to run for the whole 12 hours... you can stop whenever you want.  It worked.  I knew Mark would do well despite the fact that he was the lone runner wearing foot coffins on his feet.

Jesse was a bit more of a chance meeting, but it did involve Mark.  Shelly and I were running the Muskegon Seaway run.  Shelly saw Jesse running barefoot and briefly talked to him.  She told me after the race, but I couldn't find him.  A few days later, Mark told me he knew of Jesse.  Apparently Mark's friend's daughter was friends with Jesse's girlfriend.  Once I learned his name, I sent him a message via Facebook.  We exchanged a few messages, then I finally met him in person when he helped me with a barefoot running clinic in December.

Jesse's presence originally was for a singular reason: he's fast.  He would be running the race in Vibrams.  As such, he would be a better barefoot/minimalist representative than I would.  He didn't disappoint.  I think Jesse has an excellent chance to reach the elite level in ultras.  I was hoping this race would help him realize his potential beyond the 50k distance.

The unexpected benefit of bringing both Jesse and Mark... both share mine and Shelly's weird, somewhat twisted sense of self-depreciating juvenile humor.  The four of us all have a hint of social awkwardness that adds a bit of spice to any social situation... this would prove to be the gasoline that fueled 60 hours of goofiness.  The trip and race would have been fun without them, but it was a non-stop riot WITH them.

The Week Before The Race

I ran a 25k road race the weekend before Mind the Ducks.  Originally, this was supposed to be an easy run that would cap my taper for MTD.  The weather did not cooperate.  A large number of barefoot running friends were in town for our World Record event.  As the organizer of this merry band of misfits, I felt pressure to actually run the race barefoot despite temps dipping below 40°, cold, wet asphalt, and gale-force winds.  The conditions were brutal, but I survived without blisters.  I do, however, experience pretty severe "top of the foot" pain.  This bane of barefoot runners has never been a serious problem for me.  I was a bit panicky, though.  If I could barely make it through 15.5 miles, how would I be able to run for 12 hours the next weekend?


The one saving grace about Mind the Ducks- I wasn't considering this an "A" race.  I had signed up for the Burning River 100 miler a few weeks earlier.  This was to be my "A" race for the year.  I knew if I experienced trouble, I would be able to simply stop Mind the Ducks without feeling too defeated.  Of course, I also knew I would likely have a very difficult time jumping ship if it came to that.  This conundrum caused significant distress throughout the entire week.  Luckily, the last-minute flurry of procrastinator-induced packing made for a great distraction.

Before we knew it, Friday morning was upon us.  We loaded the car, dropped the kids off at the babysitter, and headed back to our house to meet up wth Jesse.  And the journey begins...

Continue to Part Two

Monday, May 17, 2010

Mind the Ducks... and the winner is...

Well, the Mind the Ducks 12 Hour was a huge success!  Our barefoot/minimalist shoe crew did extremely well.  Jesse Scott racked up 65 miles in VFFs, good for second in the open age group and sixth overall.  Mark Robillard ran for 51.5, about 17 in Injinji socks.  This was Mark's first-ever quasi-barefoot running.  I'll elaborate on this in the official race report.  Shelly ran 41 miles in VFFs.  All three nearly DOUBLED their previous long run.... ever!   This was Shelly and Mark's first ultra.

I ran 55.5, all barefoot.  That means Daniel is the winner with a guess of 54 miles!  Daniel, when you read this, send me an email at robillardj "at" gmail "dot" com.  I'll get the book to you as soon as possible.

Stay tuned for the race report... this was the greatest race weekend I've ever had!  It will take a few days to write this one!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Guinness World Record Largest Barefoot Race, Mind the Ducks, and General Barefoot Ramblings

Today is the eve of the Barefoot Runners Society "Largest Barefoot Race" where we will set the Guinness World Record.  I have been fretting over the details of the event for weeks and am finally getting excited!  The world record aspect of the event seems relatively minor.  I'm excited about having the opportunity to meet many of my Runners World Barefoot Running Forum friends AND many local runners.  

This event has and should continue to generate positive local publicity for barefoot running.  My goal of making Grand Rapids a epicenter of barefoot running in the Midwest is coming along.  Luckily, I have a tremendous amount of help from some great people.  My wife Shelly has done a wonderful job of organizing things behind the scenes and accommodating my busy schedule.  Andy Grosvenor has been a lifesaver as far as helping with many race details.  Dr. Scott Hadley has also removed a significant burden by helping to plan and organize various elements of this weekend's festivities.

If any readers happen to be in the Grand Rapids area this weekend, please join us!  

Once the Fifth Third race is completed and our barefoot after-party is done, I will finally get to focus on my first significant challenge- Mind the Ducks 12 Hour Run the following weekend (May 15th) in Rochester, NY.  This is the longest race I have ever scheduled before summer.  It is also the longest road race I've ever attempted.  

When presented with challenges, many people plan and train diligently.  For Mind the Ducks, I should have been running every single day.  Instead, I've taken the "train periodically" approach.  I've been doing longish runs on the weekends, but haven't done any speedwork and very little crosstraining.  Mind the Ducks may be a bit difficult.  We'll see...

On the "General Barefoot Running" front, the barefoot movement continues to pick up steam.  Interest in barefoot running continues to grow at an exponential rate.  I will share my thoughts on the growth in the near future.  For now, it's back to the last-minute planning for the World Record Run!  Before I go- here are a few things that may be of interest: